I have such mixed feelings now... I ought to be happy now as everything is coming to an end and I finally have time to meet up with friends and relax yadda yadda....
I'm glad I got posted back to the same school (this means the relationships that I have built will definitely make me feel more at home since I will be back to a familiar ground). My CTs and former CTs are also very happy la that we can work together again... I love them a lot! Haha (cough, perhaps 1 or 2 exception la)
Hai...
I accompanied Dad and Mum to TTSH for Dad's checkup. This time is not for his accident injury thingy, but for the tumour. I have not told any of you except cabrina, simply because I really had no time to contact anyone during that period of time. Cab was around online, and my nick on MSN roused her to pop me a msg. Cab, thanks for caring. =) *hugz*
During March (my busiest weeks), the doctors found a lump in my Dad's liver. They deduced it is a benign one. It was reported that the tumour is approximately 2cm plus plus in size. My dad is extremely reluctant to undergo surgery as one of my uncles died at a very young age because he took the surgery and apparently the cancer cells spread to his whole body after the cut (all my uncles including Dad have Hep B, which increases the chance of getting liver cancer). So he told the Doc to give him 2 months time to see how things goes while he take TCM.
Yesterday, just 2 months later, we were shocked to hear from the doc that the tumour has almost doubled its size to 6cm plus plus. He says he will need to have a meeting with other doctors to finalise the procedures that Dad can take now. Surgery might not be suitable.
It hurts me so much to see Dad trying to be humourous and cheerful. I know he is afraid of losing us all, afraid of leaving us so early, afraid of leaving us all behind wondering if we can survive without him, afraid that we will live miserably simply because theres no more money coming in. In fact, I am fucking scared too. Nothing can describe the fear in me now. I have no idea how to help him except to find information online.
I am unable to feel happy for this whole practicum thing too. I am so troubled now that I cant even sleep. I don't know what to do now. I hope to urge Dad to undergo surgery, but even the doc now cannot confirm with us the success rate of the operation. How can we let Dad go under the knife just like that???
Now we will arrange another checkup with Raffles because we feel that there are limitations in a government hospital and perhaps a private one can offer more solutions. I really pray for the best.
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Dear heavenly Father,
Thank you for the tiring but smooth sailing and fulfilling practicum. Thank you for giving me strength to stay strong during that period of time and blessing me with the luck to receive a good grade.
Father, please bless my family with good health and strength to overcome this crisis. Especially my dad, lord please bless him with the optimism and guide him to make a correct decision. At this time when we are all weak, lord we commit ourselves to you and please guide us to the correct path to take.
Lord please grant all good things to be upon my dad. Please heal my dad. We hope the cancer cells will not spread and hopefully we can get rid of the tumour at that targetted area successfully and please let dad recover from this disease.
Not forgetting our friends and relatives, dear lord please bless them with good health and may all good things to be upon them. Please bless the other trainees to have a good start or to continue successfully in their careers.
All these we pray in Jesus's mighty name, Amen.
