Fuck the world

Cried my heart out totally last night.

Honestly, I cannot accept the fact that I cant get in especially when there are other friends who did not perform as well as I do in school got the offer.

Am I so fucking sway or what? I worked damn hard in this fucking school, I chiong my fucking way in my practicum school and got a fucking distinction.

But what happens? Some of my friends who leave on the dot at 1.30pm got the offer.

Was browsing some of the pics that I took with the NIE girlies while listening to some music. Was feeling damn emotional la. Lots of mixed feelings.

Firstly, I feel sad because I will not be able to experience the same thing with them because ALL of them got it except me.

Secondly, I think it will be more difficult for me to meet up with them to have crazy outings but they can still hang out together anytime in school or near school area, which I can't join them. Which further leads to the thought of drifting apart from my girlies. This is a freaking important factor for me because I cherish them as all my besties. What will I be without them?

Eve, Yu, Jas:
I really love you girls and I take the 3 of you as "my gang". When I tell my friends outside school I'm going out with my gang, they all know who you are. I don't know how to put things in words (because I'm not in the right mind now), but YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME.

Xin:
Thank you for being the sometimes-bimbotic-and-naive-but-sometimes-mature friend. I truly love your company and I cherish you as one of my besties in school too (out of that gang though). But I really cherish the friendship between us. The advices, the encouragements, the everything. Oh ya, You are the first bestie who have shared a fitting room with me and seen me in bra (ok, digress, but that represents how comfortable I am with you), not forgetting you are the only friend who has bunked over in my hall.

I know I am freaking stupid to make this sound like I'm migrating and leaving this whole damn world. In fact, fuck the world. *sigh* However, I do feel I am migrating to another world apart from you girls.

For all of you whom I have met in NIE, thank you for sharing a part of your life with mine.

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To Steph:

I'm not sure if you ever still read my blog. But I will do this anyway.
Yes, I did not forget you. I'm not trying to act like a fucking saint here, but yes, I still think of you sometimes. I was browsing through some pics we took last time and stumbled upon your birthday pics and video clips. I cried out loud too can? The fun times that the 5 of us shared before everything happened was unforgettable. I'm not trying to gain back friendships or whatsoever, I just do not like regret.

I hate the fact of not telling the person I love 'I love you'. That applies to friends too. The imagination (perhaps you already did it real-life) of you throwing away the photo frame that I did for you breaks my heart.

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Anyway, just to repeat myself, I love all of you people who have been part of my life. Thank you.